I am a totally ridiculous person. I feel sadness at the strangest, dumbest things.

   Like when I'm pouring a bowl of cereal and a few Cheerios fall from the bag into the bottom of the box. I have this moment of lingering sadness because I know they are going to get stale and thrown out and wasted, and I feel like this waste represents some greater, darker burden.

  I feel sad when food expires

                   when instruments are out of tune

                                   when plants wither and die

   I somehow feel sad when I walk out of a disgusting, horrendous public restroom. I get this lump in my throat when I look at our Christmas tree. I pick up an old book and touch the brown pages and smell the familiar smell and feel a dampening sadness.

   Subconsciously, I understand these feelings, knowing they somehow represent something more important. But I don't know if I can express them in writing at all, or reason them out to any normal person.

   I would really like for someone to understand this, actually understand, not think they do or pretend to or roll their eyes at me, but actually understand this rather melodramatic despair of mine over loneliness and emptiness and waste. This burden that pulls everyone down.

   This using and taking advantage of and throwing away and lack of shit-giving.